Since yet another of my friends has lost a loved one recently I thought that I would impart some things that have helped me survive since the death of David and come out the other side.
As I am 3 years out at this moment in time I feel confident that I can impart some bits of wisdom to you that had I been told at the beginning I would not have wanted to hear but feel that it would have helped enormously had I taken the advice on board from someone who had trodden the path.
Yes, you are hurting, angry, lonely, I get that, but you must never feel that your life is over. It is true that life with your partner has gone, leaving only treasured memories but you must go on. Dave and I were together for 48 years and he has, without doubt, left a huge hole in my life. I suppose you will be thinking in your darkest moments like I did - what the hell happens now....
Here are a few of the thoughts which I actually had which may help:-
Will my couple friend still want to be my friend - Of course, they will
How will I navigate my finances - You will learn
How will the things your partner did to make life easy/better happen now - Your skill set will grow, believe me.
Who will I turn to for a chat - reach out you have friends everywhere.
When I am on my own and everyone has gone home, how will I cope - Not easy, and even now I have times when I feel incredibly lonely and tearful. When you feel like that call or text someone, they will understand.
Will I upset people by talking about my loved one - Maybe at first, but whilst they were here with you, you shared memories and anecdotes with others, so don't hide them away now. Celebrate who they were and what they meant to you.
Is it silly to talk to them now they are gone - Don't be afraid to talk to them, I know I talk to Dave all the time. Even putting your thoughts and worries into actual words will help you work things out.
One of the biggest decisions I made 3 years ago post-funeral was to sell up. For me, it was the right thing to do. A new challenge, and it was, something that forced me out of my comfort zone and helped me focus on what I needed and helped me build a life without Dave that I was happy with.
A very wise person said to me right at the beginning of this perilous journey that I should when I felt able, accept every invitation that came my way. Whether you feel up to it or not, make the effort to touch base even if you only stay a while. Go out for a coffee with a neighbour, have that afternoon tea with friends. Because if you keep refusing then eventually people will get the message that you wish to be left alone, if that is your goal, then that is your choice, but healing has to start somewhere. Never feel guilty that you are out and about and god forbid enjoying yourself, because at the end of the day, and this may sound harsh, your partner died and you didn't. If the passing of my husband has taught me anything it is that life on this earth is woefully short and you shouldn't waste one minute of it.
Rejoice in your family, friends and grandchildren and the promise that you are not alone ever. Be strong get up each day and meet life head-on.
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